Fun & Games

Wisdom for the New Year: 2006

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. (Alex Levine)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. (Joe Namath)

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. (Herbert Henry Asquith)

I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. (Bob Hope)

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. (Will Rogers)

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation…as you grow older, it will avoid you. (Winston Churchill)

The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. (Kenny Bear)

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. (Billy Crystal)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt