Fun & Games

“Euro-English”

The European Commission has announced an agreement that will establish English as the official language of the European Union, rather than German, which was another possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that spelling in the English language had some room for improvement, and it has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that will become known as “Euro-English.”

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c.” This will sertainly make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of "k.” This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f.” This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and should go away.

By the fourth yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v.”

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis, and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas tel ze oza pepl… zey ned tu smil, tu!