Fun & Games

Kenny Bear's Corner- The World’s Foremost Authority on Life on the Road

Trucker Terms; Wit & Wisdom

speed limit, n. What a four-wheeler is constantly unaware of (besides being oblivious to surrounding traffic). A four-wheeler will travel five miles-per-hour below the posted limit if a state trooper is following them, because it is suddenly extremely important that they obey the law for some reason (they haven’t obeyed it before, so why start now?)

turn signal, n. A light on the back of a vehicle which indicates future direction of movement. This is a piece of equipment that a four-wheeler will only use if there is a police officer immediately behind him. Otherwise, the four wheelers simply forget they have one (although they DO seem to be aware that the cruise control is mounted on the little stick thingy).

whatchathank?, interj. Similar to “right?,” when used at the end of the sentence (“I gotta go to work early tomorrow, whatchathank?”).

right?, interj. What truckers end almost every sentence with (it seems they like to talk in questions). “Roger” can be substituted here.

good buddy, n. A term no longer used unless you are trying to annoy someone (it no longer means what it meant in “Smokey and the Bandit”... that’s all I’m gonna say about that).

FUBAR, TX, n. Houston…not to be confused with FUBAR OH, which is pretty much ALL of Ohio (who’s idea of raising the speed limit is taking it from a 5' pole and putting it on a 7' pole)

Lost Angels, Lower Arkansas, n. Los Angeles…aerial photography indicates that this area should now be known as “Loogie Town.”

Big Apple, n. New York City and all of its boroughs. We truckers have a few other names for this area which CANNOT be listed here…which is OK because New Yorkers have a few names for us which ALSO cannot be listed here!

Night-time Dispatch, Load Coordinators, n. Living proof that the brain-dead CAN be gainfully employed.

Kenny Quotes

I’m in shape…ROUND is a shape.

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Anyone driving slower than me is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.

I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

No problem is so large or so difficult that it can’t be blamed on someone else.

I’ve been on the road so long that my callouses have moved from my feet to my butt-cheeks