fun & games

Quotes and quips

Don’t ever go into the water after a hearty meal...you’ll NEVER find it there!

“Health food makes me sick.”   Calvin Trillin

The best doctors are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman.

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year. Franklin Pierce Adams

Juvenile delinquents are other people’s children.

One lady called the IRS and asked if birth-control pills were deductible. “Only if they don’t work,” she was told.

A comic is a person, who, when he dies, is at his wit’s end.

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.   H.S. Leigh

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.   Calvin E. Stowe

Unfortunately, fish seem to go on vacation at the same time we do!

The race

A man named Cletus lived in a small town with one traffic light. Cletus saved up his money and bought a moped. One day Cletus was at the traffic light waiting for it to turn green, when a shiny, new Corvette convertible pulled up next to him. Cletus had never seen anything like it in his life. The Corvette had its top down, so Cletus leaned over and started checking out the interior. This annoyed the driver of the Vette, and when the light turned green, he stepped on the gas and left a trail of rubber as he sped away from the intersection.
            The driver of the Vette got up to 60 mph when Cletus flew by him on his moped. The driver of the Vette said to himself, “This clown wants to race.” Shifting into fourth gear, he hit the gas again. He left Cletus in his dust as he got up to 100 mph. Then out of nowhere, Cletus came up fast in his rearview mirror. He couldn’t believe it when Cletus flew by him again.
            The driver of the Vette shifted into sixth gear and floored it. He passed Cletus and got up to 150 mph! Once again, Cletus passed him like he was standing still. Shocked, the driver of the Vette pulled over to the side of the road. He heard gravel flying and brakes squealing as Cletus pulled up next to him. The driver of the Vette congratulated Cletus on winning the race and asked him what kind of an engine he had in his moped. Puzzled Cletus replied, “Race? I was just trying to get my suspenders off of your side-view mirror!”