fun & games

“Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.”

“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Y’know what happened? I ate faster.”

“Show me a man with both feet on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants on.”

“They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gallbladder; they examined everything inside of me. Y’know what they decided? I need glasses.”

“My husband decided to install a light switch in our master bedroom. Cutting into the wall, he discovered a stash of bottles and boxes. “Honey!” he called excitedly. “Come see what I found!” I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole he’d made in the back of our medicine cabinet.”

“Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found an elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted that he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
“After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked if his wife was meeting him.
  “‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’”

“Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies and lots of pie.”

EAT RIGHT AND EXERCISE