Murphy's World

How’s that chili smell, Mr. Nosey?

Dear Murphy,

I was headed south on I-55 with a load of dry dog food (25-lb. bags on pallets). When I got past the Missouri scales, the wind hit and drivers started complaining on the CB. I asked if anyone had seen any trucks rolled over yet. “When the truck starts rolling, it’s bad, but with the weight in my wagon, I’m not having any trouble,” I said.

Then a voice I hadn’t heard asked, “How much weight are you carrying?” Kinda nosey, but not excessively so. I said, “46,500.” He asked, “Where you going?” Still nosey, but not excessively so. I said, “ Irving, Texas.”

Then he asked, “What you hauling?” That’s way too nosey. I smelled a rat. Load theft and hijackings are big business, you know? So I said, “That’s what has me worried. I’ve got 46,500 pounds of canned dog food to deliver at 6:30 a.m. and a 9 a.m. appointment with the same customer to drive around to the shipping docks and pick up 46,500 pounds of canned chili for my back haul to Chicago.”

He said, “What!?!” I replied, “Think about it. Open a can of dog food, put it in a simmer pot, add some beans and chili powder and simmer for a while. What’s it gonna look like?” I never heard another question from Mr. Nosey.

Flatspot

Dear Flatspot,

I’ve heard of some great retorts to nosey folks, but yours might take the cake. Just don’t expect me to eat it. Not now, anyway. For some reason, after reading your story, I’ve lost my appetite. In fact, both Lucky Dog and I just about lost our lunches. Lucky Dog can’t stand chili powder and beans in his dog food, and I prefer my chili without the dog food base. I don’t think either one of us is ever going to look at another can of dog food or chili beans in the same way. Thanks a lot.

But hey, when Mr. Nosey is getting a little too nosey, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do, and your tall tale certainly turned the trick. For the record, you don’t happen to have the name of that outfit down in Irving, do you? I understand you were kidding, but just to be sure, that’s information I can use the next time I find myself in the mood for a bowl of red out of a can.

Regards,

Murphy and Lucky Dog